20 英语作文修改

题目:

假如你是刘兰,琳达(Linda)是两年前就读于你学校的交换生,昨天收到了她的电子邮件。请根据下面的邮件以及内容提示,给她回一封邮件。

Dear Liu Lan,

Long time no see! How is everything going? I miss you very much. I think you must be more beautiful now. What do you look like now? How often do you exercise? And what's your favorite TV shows?

Yours,

Linda

 

要求:

1.结合自己的实际情况,可适当发挥。

2.不要出现自己真实的学校、姓名和班级。

我的文章:

Dear Linda,

I'm glad to hear from you! Everything is excellent! How are you lately?

I'm much taller than before, yet the weight did not change a lot. Therefore, I look a bit thinner and I'm in a good shape now! What's more, I often exercise to keep healthy. There is no denying that keeping healthy is extremely important and necessary for human beings.

Speaking of my favorite TV shows, it's RunningMan. Although many people say that it has a number of disadvantages, I enjoy watching it! It is likely that not only can I learn quite a few jokes from Running Man, but I can spend my spare time with delight by watching it!

Anyway, I miss you as well! How about getting together one day?

Looking forward to hearing from you shortly!

Yours sincerely,

Liu Lan

备注:本人初二,正在学习新概念3,所以在词汇和语法等方面的修改不必担心理解问题。另外,文中可能会有些拼写错误的单词,请不要太过关注这些,因为我打字的时候比较快。谢谢你的修改!

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3 个回答

曹荣禄
擅长:动词用法,句法问题

初二的写作相当不错了。我只改动二处:

1 I'm much taller than before, yet the weight did not change a lot. 后面你提及所以你看上去瘦了,这里你强调的是长高了,虽然体重没有变多少。体重没变应该改为让步从句,突出长高让你显瘦这个关系。所以yet 改为 though,同时than before改为now

I'm much taller now, though my weight hasn't changed a lot.

2 It is likely that not only can I learn ... 删去 it is likely that,这个主句没有多少实际意义,与that从句的can意义重复。直接说 Not only can I learn...


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李万呼
擅长:教育

1.I'm much taller than before, yet the weight did not change a lot.可以改为 The weight remainswhile the height has changed a lotwhich translates that  I look a bit thinner and I'm in a good shape now!

while表列两个情况对比,which translates可以理解为which means,这里使用更正式。

2.I enjoy watching it!改为I do enjoy watching it!加深语气,更符合语境。

3.我也觉得应该删去 it is likely that

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KOTO

感谢各位,这是修改后的,请各位看一下是否可以:

Dear Linda,

How glad I am to hear from you! Everything is excellent! How are you lately?

The weight remains,while the height has changed a lot,which translates that I look a bit thinner and I'm in a good shape now!What's more, I often exercise to keep healthy and improve my immunity. There is no denying that keeping healthy is extremely significant and necessary for human beings.

Speaking of my favorite TV shows, it's Running Man. Although many people think it has a great number of disadvantages, I do enjoy watching it!Not only can I learn quite a few jokes from Running Man, but I can spend my spare time with delight by watching it!

Anyway, I miss you as well! How about getting together one day?

Looking forward to your swift reply,which will be highly appreciated!

Yours sincerely,

Liu Lan

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